Pacman, What Color Is Your Parachute?

In his address to the nation Monday night, President Barack Obama spoke about the plan to stimulate the U.S. economy, which some experts say is at its worst since the Great Depression.  Although, if I had my choice, I’d rather live through the Depression as described in John Steinbeck’s “The Grapes of Wrath” than be part of the current period that spawned “The Hills” and the Jonas Brothers. 

According to President Obama, the stimulus package on the table would extend unemployment benefits and provide job training so that we may put a dent in the alarming unemployment rate, which currently stands at 7.6 percent.

Coming to a cubicle near you, it’s Adam “Pacman” Jones!

On Monday, the Dallas Cowboys finally came to their senses and officially parted ways with their loose-cannon cornerback.  Yes, I used Dallas Cowboys and “senses” in the same phrase.  I’m shocked, too, I actually heard my fingers gag as I typed that statement.  This is the same Cowboys franchise that is going to use a Michael Irvin-hosted reality show to fill their 80^th and final training camp spot this year. 

I suppose the six arrests, the strip club fracases, possible shootings, suspensions and the blatant disrespect Pacman has had for authority throughout his short NFL career finally caused Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to say enough is enough.  Wow, is that all it took?  Where was Jerry Jones when I lost my retainer in Junior High?

After showing he couldn’t stay out of trouble while with the Tennessee Titans, the Cowboys traded for Pacman, despite the fact he was suspended for the whole 2007 season, and signed him to a four-year, $13.3 million dollar deal.

Seriously?  Pacman was suspended for a whole season, and still recovered from it with a multi-million dollar deal with America’s Team, and he blew it?!  Blowing a second chance like this with the Cowboys is like putting a winning Powerball ticket through the rinse cycle.  Jones played in only nine games for the Cowboys.

Yes, it seems Pacman has officially shot himself in the foot this time (pardon my parlance, Plaxico).  That 4.38 he ran in the pre-draft 40-yard dash will come in handy as he pounds the pavement looking for a job with the rest of us non-athletic types.  And I say that with the hopes that he doesn’t get a third chance in the NFL.  Sit down Al Davis, even your Oakland Raiders are above this numbskull.

There are so many athletes whose NFL careers were cut short due to the inevitable, like a career-ending injury or even worse, an untimely death.  Guys like Korey Stringer, Dennis Byrd, Ickey Woods, Richard Collier, Darrent Williams and Sean Taylor, just to name a few.  These players didn’t have a choice.  Pacman did.  

Not only is Pacman a pariah on the gridiron, he may be unemployable in the real world as well.  Can you imagine some poor recruiter having to dress up this guy’s resume?  He didn’t finish college, his references are names like Bambi, Cinnamon and Spoaty, his prior work experience involves rapping and mucking it up in TNA Wrestling, and I’m guessing his WPM is nothing to write home about, either.  Plus, I’m fairly sure they don’t teach Excel and PowerPoint in jail. 

I’d be lying if I said I felt bad for him.  I’d be feigning sympathy if I used his upbringing in a broken home as an excuse for his pitfalls.  Adam Jones was one of the precious few blessed with a talent that made him millions for playing a game.  Now I hope he’ll get a taste of what it’s like to be one of the millions fighting for survival in today’s economic landscape.