Shhhhh. Just Go, David Beckham

Caveat emptor, Los Angeles Galaxy, caveat emptor. 

Two years ago, in an effort to inflate the relevancy of Major League Soccer, the Galaxy signed international superstar David Beckham to an outlandish five year, incentive-laden contract worth as much as $250 million.  The sports world was abuzz about Beckham and his Spice Girl wife, Victoria, moving to L.A. to bring the world’s sport stateside, and to give TomKat another option for playdates.

From the beginning, Beckham delivered the hype, but not the results.  In his two years with the Galaxy, the team hasn’t made the playoffs.  His short career in L.A. has been marred by injury, and eventually disinterest.  At the time of his signing, former Galaxy general manager Alexi Lalas said Beckham is a sound investment and will help bring the MLS to the next level.  Lalas is no longer with the team. 

Did the Galaxy get what they paid for?  Beckham was 31 when he signed, and ankle and knee injuries forced him to miss most of his first MLS season.  But fans were still attending games, and soccer entered the national discussion.  When is the last time you remember an MLS player chatting it up on Good Morning America? 

The initial effect superstar athletes can have on their new teams is quite palpable.  Kevin Garnett's instant success as a Boston Celtic is a perfect example, bringing a championship to Beantown in his first season.  But even less-than-stellar performances from big names can generate major moolah.  Do you think the Birmingham Barons were ever concerned about Michael Jordan's batting average with all the revenue piling up from ticket and jersey sales?  This is the lightning in a bottle L.A. was hoping for with Beckham's acquisition.

Currently, Beckham is on loan until March to Italian powerhouse AC Milan, where he may end up for good.  In four games, Beckham has already notched two goals and some momentum for his ultimate goal, playing for his native England in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.  On Thursday, Galaxy coach Bruce Arena said Beckham will be back with his team March 9. 

But is it too late?  Why does it look like Beckham is playing much better in Italy than in La La Land?  Is it better to eat ziti and cannoli before a game, rather than tofu and bean sprouts?  Is it more inspiring to hear Andrea Bocelli at La Scala than a Motley Crue tribute band at the Whiskey?  Does Posh prefer the latest Dolce and Gabbana fashions to off-the-rack Urban Outfitters?

In my opinion, most Americans who watch any soccer at all prefer international soccer to the MLS.  I know I do.  I’d rather watch the Premiership or the Champions League, and I bet I watched about 60 of the 64 games in the 2006 World Cup.  I applauded the signing of Beckham because I thought it was the catalyst for guys like me to start tuning in to the MLS, but I didn’t.  Don’t misunderstand me, I cheer for the United States in international play, but maybe Beckham’s failure in the U.S. is indicative of the continuing failure of American soccer to gain any popularity with its citizens.

Beckham isn’t the only player the Galaxy has loaned out.  American talent Landon Donovan is currently playing in Germany for Bayern Munich, where he may find it’s a lot more fun to play in front of 66,000 die-hards every game.  Donovan has already made his mark with Munich, notching several goals in friendly matches since he started training with the team January 5.  On his Web site, Donovan says, “If I go back to the Galaxy, we have our first game March 21, so I’d have to return at least one week earlier. But that would be sad. I want to make it here. It is my dream. I want stay here a few years.”

I know it’s hard, but we have to let Beckham go.  We either cry our eyes out into three-day-old pizza while repeatedly listening to U2’s “With or Without You,” or we put on our brave faces and realize it was never meant to be.  The things Beckham wants to accomplish in the twilight of his career just cannot be done in the barren soccer wasteland that is the MLS.  Admit it, Becks, there are so many bigger things already on your resume than an MLS Cup.  There is a “Bend It Like Beckham,”  not a “Whack It Like Woods,” after all.

You think Zinedine Zidane would look good in a Galaxy uniform?